Deep Blue Sea

By Hannatt Borrett

‘Deep Blue Sea’ is a bit like Jaws. It has screaming and blood, you don’t
care if the main characters live or die and you end up feeling rather sorry for the shark.
The vague story line is that there are these really, really intelligent sharks. We
know they are intelligent because they can swim backwards. This is ridiculous. My
goldfish can swim backwards, and he is as stupid as they come. They are not a super-intelligent species, some bugger just thought it would be really funny to sew up their gills as a sick joke. Yes, anyway, these people live on a big metally thing in the middle of the sea where they tranquilise these sharks and stick needles into their brains.
It’s amazing what some people get paid to do. Anyway, there’s this big storm and
because it’s a low budget film, nobody can be rescued. And then, because they can
swim backwards, these sharks manage to flood this big metally thing and eat lots of
people.
The special effects would be alright if there was a story line, and if you could tell the difference between the people running around screaming. Unfortunately, it fails completely in it’s attempt to be frightening. The only part of the film that I screamed at was when the budgie got eaten.
That poor budgie.
There’s an interesting bit as well when it turns out Samuel L Jackson was on an
expedition where people all ate each other and then his head gets bitten off by one of the sharks. It manages to do this because it can swim backwards. And then at the end someone else gets eaten and then two of them get rescued. But not the budgie.
That poor budgie.
All because those damned sharks can swim backwards.
All in all, unless you have a shark fetish or you can swim backwards, I recommend
giving this film a miss. See ‘Lake Placid’ instead. A cow gets eaten in that.

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